Mamia

That's my grandmas nickname.


I spoke with her two days ago. When I asked we about my grandpa she took a deep breath and said a word I'd been dreading hearing about anyone in my family, but especially when referring to my grandpa. She said, honey, está achacado. My heart dropped to the bottom of my feet.

He's loosing his spirit. It's the most humane way to say, he's... I can't bring myself to type it. If anyone non-Spanish speaking is reading this, Google will have your answer.

So there you have it.

I'm sorry I snapped.

Not now

It's been a while since I've posted I realized just now.
I feel like I had a lot to say in the summer and with the change of season and shorter days I feel I am in a cloudier head space.
I feel like my heart is constantly clouded with thoughts about you. I feel like we go through cycles where things are good, and then we get to a place where we just go through the motions of seeing eachother and meanwhile, we've yet to get a standing O.
I worry that during these darker parts of our cycle I get in my head too much. I fear that the voices get louder and I get angrier about it so I lash it out on you.
You also need to show me more. I'm ok with that if it means we done share a bed 5 nights a week.
Man. I care about you. I feel like this could be a really great union and I hope you feel the same. I'll deal with my stuff so long as you keep by my side. I love you.